Breaking the Good Mom Myth
Written by: Alyson Schafer
John Wiley & Sons Ltd.
$17.99

I first heard Alyson Schafer speak recently on a CBC call-in show. Her advice was so refreshing as I worked around the kitchen, cleaning up after my two preschoolers and waiting for our oldest son to get home from school. I actually stopped in my tracks and called my Mom and sister to get them to listen, too. Schafer is a Canadian psychotherapist and parenting expert but most importantly the mother of two daughters.

In this, her first book, she attempts to break the myth that so many young mothers are trying to attain, to be a “good mom”. Now don’t get me wrong, after reading this book, your home will not be a free-wheeling, do-as-you-please, eat when you want, act as you will, type of place! Of course, we all want to be good mothers but sometimes the stress and strain we put on ourselves to be everything to everyone wreaks havoc in our families.

The author divides this easy-to-read book into eight chapters that deal with eight of the most commonly held myths surrounding motherhood. She touches on the myth that Self-Care is Selfish by using the analogy of an airplane going down and the rule that mothers need to put on their oxygen masks before they can help their children. Or as my husband likes to say, “happy wife, happy life”. Mother has to take care of herself before she can look after her charges. Schafer then discusses the idea of putting your children above everything else in the chapter entitles My Marriage Can Wait. Not a good idea! How can you expect to put your relationship with your husband on hold for 18 years and then expect all to be well when the kids leave home. There is also the myth that states, Good Mothers Are All-Caring and All-Protecting (aka pampering). Is it any wonder there are so many children today who think the world revolves around them? While on the other end of the spectrum, there is the myth that Good Mothers Are in Control. Yes, it is true that back in the day our parents told us what to do and, for-the-most-part, we did it. Why doesn’t that work today? Schafer explains the different types of power struggles and lends advice on how to avoid them, something we can all use, no doubt.

The recommendations are easy-to-implement and are a welcome change to some other books that are out there that make you feel like you should be doing more. If it is any indication as to how much I enjoyed this book, before I was midway through it, our 6 year-old was vacuuming, our 4 year-old was helping unload the dishwasher and our 2 year-old was gladly putting the winter boots away neatly in the closet. This was all because I read about ‘throwing off the shackles of dependence’ and discovered that these little people really are capable of helping a little more around the house. The author lists responsibilities that children are capable of depending on their age. Whether your children are still in diapers, muddling their way through the teenage years or somewhere in between, this book offers something that will resonate with all of us.